I love a clear direction. I love to know what success is. I even love a rule.

The other thing about me is that I have tried unsuccessfully to begin consistently writing for at least the last six years, and really the last ten.. I make strong declarations and follow those with very little action. And then I repeat. And it’s boring. That time is gone and undocumented and what a time it was! Marriage! Pandemics! New jobs! Australian photographer dreams coming true! Italians! Quilts! Pizza Ovens! Better living through science! (Which is my charming way of saying that ADHD and GLP-1 medicines have improved my life in every way and I am so grateful for them.)

I feel jumbled and incomplete without processing it all through words. Silent, written words.

This week I asked my therapist to straight up assign writing to me. See above mentioned thing about me liking direction, add in that I’d hate to disappoint her and here we are.

There is no way to recap 10 years. I’m going to have to let that go and start here.

I just finished reading the book Wellness by Nathan Hill. It was a ride. A few chapters (and a couple margaritas) in I sent a flurry of texts to my cousin. They went like this:

ME: Omg. Let me de-influence you from reading the novel Wellness. It’s about the mundane and minutae of a couple and it is just not settling well.

COUSIN: It sounds so cute and right up our alley from the synopsis, thank you for steering me away from that land mine.

ME: The first chapter was so beautifully written and then it exploded and it is trying to force me to see my life as mundane, but I won’t do it, but also… it knows my soul and it’s so uncomfortable. This is a full on trip.

COUSIN: Oh, now I do sort of want to read it, but a little scared of the soul-seeing.

ME: I honestly don’t know if I’m recommending it or not! It’s like a fun house mirror! I’m so affected.

She goes on to get the book and the next day texts me:

COUSIN: Ok, 24 hours in and about 20% through. This was a very quick read but I am slowing down. Agreed, the first chapter was sweet and darling and so well written. I enjoyed looking through the windows with them. Then the 40’s came. Are we all living the same life? With the same thoughts? Actions? Feelings? Life evolution? Oof, this author needs to get out of my head.

I’ve never had a book experience quite like this before. Unsettling is the best word I can use. I’ve identified with books before. I’ve identified with characters and characteristics. I’ve never felt something get under my skin like this. I need to go back and re-read a few passages and make some notes and think about it. I will say the placebo premise is great and demands a discussion, not just me doing a dissertation of it here. So – get yourself this book, and someone to read it with you, and go crazy.